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+--- Thread: Terror Threat Levels (/thread-1538.html)
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Terror Threat Levels - FATBOY - 14-02-2011 11:36 PM
Right I'm probably going to get into a load of trouble for this (sorry Nitrus et al)but here goes anyway.
The following was allegedly written by John Cleese and the the views expressed are not, necessarily, those of FATBOY. Apologies too to all those nationalities mentioned, being English myself, I too am "a little miffed".
Enjoy
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats
and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon,
though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A
Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940
when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from
"Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a
"Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the
Bastards" They don't have any other levels.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are
"Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the
country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a
heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout
loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels
remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to
"Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy
can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
"She'll be right, mate". Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!', "I
think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is
cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final
escalation level.
RE: Terror Threat Levels - Saerwen - 15-02-2011 12:56 AM
Thanks for posting that I needed a good laugh!
from a Scot
RE: Terror Threat Levels - Belle - 15-02-2011 08:59 AM
lol!!! thanks for sharing this
(from a belgian)
RE: Terror Threat Levels - cateau1 - 15-02-2011 02:56 PM
Loved it! (From Downunder)
RE: Terror Threat Levels - Aria - 16-02-2011 02:30 PM
Very funny!! Thanks for posting.
RE: Terror Threat Levels - YourFutureMuse - 16-02-2011 07:45 PM
haha love it!
RE: Terror Threat Levels - A Cousin - 16-02-2011 11:29 PM
I was actually feeling a bit miffed that we cousins were not included. Maybe it's because we can't take a joke? (Just joking....
) I've seen it with this included:Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes - on their allies, just in case.
Yup - Just. In. Case.
RE: Terror Threat Levels - FATBOY - 17-02-2011 12:16 AM
Yes - I think there are several versions knocking about on the web. While I think the core of it is 'Cleesian', I suspect some versions have had additions made to them, whether the comment you mention is an addition, or not, I'm not sure.
Personally I think most Americans have a good sense of humor and are somewhat more subtle than the 'American comment' suggests. But thats not very funny!
Cousinly love
FATBOY
RE: Terror Threat Levels - xzibit_m - 25-02-2011 04:11 AM
lol i read it too myself in a john cleese voice, which made it even better. i imagined him saying it infront of a fire in his dressing gown for some reason though
RE: Terror Threat Levels - Nixie - 25-02-2011 08:56 AM
Too funny!
Mind you, a couple a weeks ago the threat level from natural disasters probably rated a "Crikey!', "I
think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend".
What about NZ?
3. beached, bru
2. beached az
1. heaps beached az