Broken

[almh]

Set post 3.6, so spoilers for that episode.

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6:00 am her alarm clock beeped. She allowed herself to ignore it, to seek refuge under her duvet, desperately trying to return to sleep that she had had only moments ago.

At 6:05 am it beeped again, impatiently waiting for her to start the day. She wondered who would give up first.

Five minutes later, and it beeped again. Sitting up in bed she furiously grabbed the alarm clock and hurled it at the wall. She heard the loud crash it made with satisfaction. She wondered in that moment who had lost - the broken alarm clock lying in pieces on the floor, or her, now fully awake, with sleep no longer an option.

She got out of bed, and quickly got changed. She made the bed. She had a routine. And when she had a routine she belonged. She was not a nobody, a no one, because she had a purpose. And at that moment her purpose was to leave her bedroom, go into the kitchen and have breakfast. Whilst she had a purpose, she would be fine. Whilst she had something to do, she could forget all about the trial, forget about losing her friends, family and fiancé.

She nearly broke down as she thought about all she had lost. In retaliation to her feelings she put the radio on loudly, blocking out all thoughts from her mind.

Kettle. Water in. Turn on. Get mug out of cupboard. Put coffee in. Pour water. Stir. Add milk. Drink. Her life was now so much simpler now, her life in this MI5 house, a life with a menial job as a translator, her life with no family or friends. It was easier this way.

Having drunk the tea, her thoughts turned to her next task. Food. Toast. Take bread from the drawer, put in toaster, remember to turn toaster on. Butter when done. Eat. She smiled. She achieved. Now, work.

Returning to her bedroom she opened her wardrobe door and took an outfit out, almost at random, and changed. Right on time she looked up at the clock. 7:45. She was on time. That was good. Another achievement. She put her shoes on, grabbed her bag from the table.

Someone knocked at the door. She froze. This wasn't normal. Someone had interrupted her routine, this wasn't right. Nervously she walked to the door and opened it a fraction. She didn't expect to see Will at her door.

"Will!" she gasped. She dropped her bag and allowed him to hold her, crying into his chest.

"Shhh, shh my darling," he murmured, gently holding onto her. "Everything is going to be alright."

She entered work late that day, her routine broken. But that didn't matter. Because now she was alive.