The Gruinard Project Chapter 29

[khandy]

This is harrowing

Chapter 29

The Grand Hotel 5.30am

The first thing that Kate registered, in her shocked mind, was that his eyes seemed dead. She shivered, fear engulfing her. Lucas’ eyes were normally so full of emotion, to see them staring blankly ahead, scared her more than his hand at her throat. His face was still, unmoving, like a cold mask. He almost didn’t look human. That was it she thought, he looked like a wax model in Madam Tussaud’s. What had happened to cause this reaction? His eyes were fixed on her face, but it was as though they were looking right through her at the wall behind her head and not at her. He resembled an android from some science fiction film, human until you looked into the eyes and realised that there was no soul, just a machine.

The words made her flinch, coming unexpectedly as they did. His voice was harsh, cold, devoid of any emotion. She had no idea what he was saying; the language he was speaking was not one she recognised. It sounded eastern European and with Lucas’ history it was probably Russian. She could make out what was probably a name, Kachimov. The tone made it sound as if he were making demands. He paused briefly as if waiting for her to say something. When she remained silent he repeated the words again and the pressure increased slightly at her neck as he gripped her throat.

Lucas’ size had never intimidated her before. She had always felt safe and secure when near him, but now it occurred to her just how dangerous he really was. The pressure at her throat and his other hand against her shoulder pushed her back against the wall. The tiles were cold and damp with condensation, the wetness soaking through her nightdress.

It’s not me he is hurting she repeated to herself he doesn’t know it’s me. She repeated the words again; as if seeking reassurance. What was she supposed to do she wondered? The phrase sounded like a question, so she nodded hoping that agreeing with what he was saying would be enough. She felt his hand slacken on her throat as he released his hold. He grabbed her, roughly swinging her round so he could push her back out of the door. His fingers digging into the tops of her arms. The force of the push caused her to stumble and fall to the floor landing hard on her bottom, with the sound of Lucas’ harsh guttural laughter in her ears.

Kate scrambled backwards, moving away from him. The carpet was rough on the cheeks of her bottom as she slid backwards. The hotel room wasn’t very big and she only managed to move as far as the opposite wall. Lucas stood watching her movement, yet not really seeing her; all the time he was laughing a bitter, harsh, hollow sound. From her position on the floor he towered threateningly over her. The fact that he was naked and damp from the shower made him seem more intimidating, like some untamed savage.

Kate realised that she had to find herself some kind of weapon to defend herself from any attack Lucas might make. To her left was her overnight bag and she slowly slipped her hand inside it; pushing her hand through the clothes her fingers curled around the can of deodorant at the bottom of the bag.

Lucas was speaking again, when she didn’t respond he reached down and grabbed her right arm pulling her up on to her feet. His hand struck her hard across the cheek. She was supposed to aim for his face, but in her panic the deodorant spary hit him on his naked chest. She closed her eyes, but kept on spraying, feeling certain that at any moment he would really hurt her. Fear finally won out and she began to tremble violently as silent tears squeezed their way out from beneath her lowered lids.

Lucas felt as he had been slapped by something icy cold on his chest. The image of the shower and the guard blurred and faded away. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust and focus; he was in the hotel room. Kate was pressed against the wall in front of him, a can of deodorant in her hand, her eyes tightly closed. He noticed how deathly pale she was, her normally golden toned skin like pale alabaster. He moved to touch her, but then saw the marks on her neck and arms, the trail of tears on her cheeks and the tell tale red mark where she had been slapped; somebody had tried to hurt her. It hit him almost immediately, as the realisation dawned on him he felt pain like he had never known in his life; he had tried to hurt her.

When the expected further blows didn’t come, Kate slowly opened her eyes. Lucas had moved slightly away from her. She raised her eyes and met his and realised at once that he was back in the present. The horror in his eyes as he looked at her was plain to see. Every emotion he was feeling was written in those fathomless blue depths. She wanted to reach out to him and tell him she understood but before she could he stepped away even further.

“Lucas…”

“Don’t make excuses for me Kate.”

He returned to the bed and quickly pulled on his clothes, pausing only to pick up his phone he moved to the door.

“I’ll get Ruth to pick you up,” he said as he opened the door.

“Don’t go, talk to me…”

He cut her words off.

“I could have killed you.”

“But you didn’t. I know it wasn’t me you were seeing.”

“That doesn’t mean I can ignore what I did…,” he paused, pain, grief and shame threatening to overwhelm him. “I am so sorry.” He undid the door and walked away leaving her alone.

Kate stood staring at the spot where he had been standing willing him to return. It was at least five minutes before she realised he wasn’t going to. She slid down the wall tears coursing down her cheeks. She wrapped her arms around herself and allowed them to flow unchecked.

The knocking on the hotel room door some fifty minutes later broke into her sobbing. Kate jumped up, her first thought that it was Lucas, but then she heard a voice calling her name; a female’s voice. She opened the door to find the woman from the American military base stood there.

“Where’s Lucas?”

“He’s safe, he’s with a friend.” Ruth glanced at the bruising beginning to appear on Kate’s skin. “We’d best get a doctor to check you over.”

“I don’t need a doctor I need Lucas.”

“He tried to kill you Kate.”

“No he didn’t…”

“I know he didn’t know it was you, but he would have killed you anyway. Don’t you understand?”

“Yes of course I do. Don’t patronise me. I am not a fool, but whoever he thought I was he wasn’t trying to kill them; threaten and scare them yes, but kill them no.” Kate stopped speaking thinking hard about what she needed to do.

“Harry, I need to see Harry,” she said.

“Harry’s busy at the moment. What is that noise?” Ruth glanced around.

“It’s the shower. Busy? His best agent needs him and he’s…” Kate stopped.

Ruth looked at her pointedly and then went to turn off the shower.

“Harry’s the friend Lucas is with?” Kate said.

Ruth said nothing she didn’t have to.

“Kate get dressed I have to take you to Thames House. Once they are happy you are alright Harry needs you to get to work on the bacteria.”

“Is that where Lucas is, will I get to see him?”

“I honestly don’t know Kate,” Ruth said sympathetically.


***************

Thames House London 08.30hrs

Harry looked at Lucas through the two way mirror of the counselling suite. He was sat ina low arm chair curled forward, his chin resting in his hands, his eyes closed, lost to the world deep in his own thoughts. Somehow Harry thought he seemed smaller, shrunken down by the burden of shame and guilt. Lucas’ early morning call had woken him from a light sleep. His rest that night had been fitful at best and he had only been asleep an hour when Lucas called. His sleep was always disturbed when he was in contact with Ruth, his thoughts plagued by what might have been, what he had never allowed. He pushed his feelings aside, as he always did and concentrated on the problem at hand.

Lucas’ normally pale skin had turned a strange shade of grey/ green, dark circles had appeared under his eyes and his jaw was shadowed by a day old beard. Obviously a shave had not been a priority that morning. Lines fanned out from his eyes and across his brows. His whole face was a study in pain and remorse and whatever he was thinking was troubling him greatly.

Harry turned as the door opened. Ros entered and came to stand by his side. She stared at Lucas through the glass.

“Shit he looks terrible, has he said anything?

“Not since he phoned me.”

“What a bloody mess,” Ros sighed.

“Mm yes, but it could have been worse. He could have killed her.”

“The psychiatrist has arrived shall I show him in?” Ros asked.

“Him? Lucas saw a woman when he returned from Russia. Why not her?”

“Well to be honest Harry I thought as he had attacked Kate that a man might be more appropriate. I can send for Dr Wallace if you prefer?”

“No that’s fine. Ros I need you to continue the investigation into The Gruinard Project. It’s important that we maintain our focus. Once Kate has seen the psychiatrist I need her to start working on those bacteria, if she is able to. If not she will have to be replaced. Have Malcolm check out some alternative scientists just in case. Catch up with Jo, see if there has been any activity at the hotel.”

“Ok Harry. Have you heard how Kate is? Who is bringing her in?”

“She is ok a little bruised. As for who is bringing her in, it is a face from the grave Ros… Ruth Evershead.”

“Ruth, but she’s dead.” Ros was shocked and confused

“No we faked it.” Harry smile was slightly bitter. “You know how good we are at faking it. She has been working with the US military over here, on secondment you could say.”

“Harry…”

“Ros I don’t have time to explain, go up and prepare the others. I told Ruth to report to you when she arrives. I have to be with Lucas.”

Ros looked at the man and for the first time she felt a fraction of the responsibility he felt for everybody on his team.

“Harry you’re not to blame for this.”

“Aren’t I? I sent him there, I allowed Connie access to what he was doing and she betrayed him. I couldn’t secure his release and when he secured his own release I allowed him to stay on The Grid instead of insisting on more help. I think I have more than a little responsibility for what has happened.”

“Harry…” Ros tried to speak but once again Harry stopped her.

“Ros just go I need to help Lucas now.”


**************

The pain in his head was more intense than anything he had ever known. He had closed his eyes against the glare of the artificial lighting. His mind was in turmoil; a million scrambled images flicked constantly through his mind. Eight years of memories suddenly let loose. The images and sounds so bright and loud that he wished he had a remote control so he could just switch them off.

Lucas opened his eyes and forced himself to see beyond the images into the room he was waiting in. Harry had shown him in here. When he had woken Harry early, all he had managed to croak out over the phone was that he had attacked Kate while gripped by a vision, that she was ok and that he had asked Ruth to go to her. Harry had picked him up and taken him to Thames House to this room. The older man had realised that he either couldn’t or didn’t want to talk.

Nothing had been left to chance in the room. The walls were a soft green design to soothe and provide serenity. Comfortable chairs surrounded a small coffee table all very non-threatening and non-confrontational. A coffee machine was switched on and a pot of coffee had brewed so the whole room smelled like his parents kitchen at home. Another ploy to make the people who used this room feel comfortable. The problem was the door was locked; it was a prison, a comfortable room no doubt, but a prison none the less.

The door of the room pushed open and Harry entered with a stranger.

“Lucas this is Matthew Roberts, he is a psychiatrist, do you feel up to talking to him?”

Lucas shrugged. He wasn’t sure he was up to anything, the visions in his head were so overpowering he was finding it almost impossible to concentrate.

“Matthew do you want some coffee?” The psychiatrist said that would be great and took a seat to the side of Lucas.

Harry poured three cups of coffee and took a seat himself.

“Lucas? Is it ok if I call you Lucas?” the psychiatrist asked.

Lucas shrugged again.

Harry was puzzled Lucas was normally so articulate, to see him reduced to shrugs and gestures were completely out of character.

The psychiatrist tried to get Lucas to talk but for ten minutes he just sat shrugging.

“Lucas why did you ring me after you attacked Kate?”

Lucas turned to Harry.

“Kate,” he whispered. “Is she ok?”

Harry had hit on the key to getting Lucas to answer.

Matthew Roberts answered.

“She is alright Lucas, a little shook up but she is ok. Is Kate important Lucas?”

“Yes I love her. She‘s everything. Where is she?”

“How long have you loved her?”

“Seems like forever but 9 years.”

Matthew turned to Harry confused.

“Lucas met Kate just before he was imprisoned in Russia. They met again when he was released.”

“She was with me everyday I was in Lubyanka prison, she’s the reason I survived,” Lucas whispered.

“If you love her Lucas why did you attack her?” Matthew asked.

“I didn’t hurt her! It wasn’t her it was one of the guards, Nicolai. He found me in the shower with the dead men. I threatened him, told him to tell the others what would happen if anybody tried to touch me again. I told him to tell Kachimov. Do you understand I thought Kate was Nicolai?”

“Lucas, what men were dead?” Matthew asked.

“Vladimir and his two thugs.”

“How did they die Lucas?” Harry asked.

“I killed them Harry. I murdered them. I broke their necks. It took me little more than five minutes.”

Lucas reached for the coffee, his hand trembling badly as he picked it up.

“You’ve killed before Lucas, why do you say you murdered these men?” It was the psychiatrist who asked the question.

“I have only killed when I have had to as part of an op. These men I just killed.”

“Lucas three men in a shower all dead. I wasn’t born yesterday. Did they rape you?” Matthew asked, his voice as quiet as Lucas’

Lucas felt a wave of nausea sweep over him, his skin started to become clammy and the trembling became much more pronounced.

Harry reacted first and pushed a wastepaper bin in front of Lucas just as he began to vomit. Both men watched helplessly as Lucas heaved and retched. It isn’t pleasant watching somebody vomit. Perhaps a woman would have been more comfort, but neither Harry nor Matthew knew quite what to do so they just watched and waited. It was several minutes before Lucas stopped heaving and when he had he collapsed back against the chair, his head pounding.

“Harry I think he needs hospitalizing,” Matthew said, concerned that Lucas was on the verge of a complete breakdown.

“Please Harry no hospital…” It was almost a plea. “They tried to rape me but I killed them before they could.”

It was as if the floodgates had opened. Lucas lay back in the chair and explained to the two men about what had happened in the shower. How remembering this had unlocked all his Russian memories. How his brain was going wild. At times as he talked he became agitated and anxious but the mention of Kate’s name seemed to calm him. He repeatedly asked if she was safe and well

“Is she here Harry? Did Ruth bring her here? Has she seen anybody?

“Lucas, Kate is alright she is being looked after.”

“Yes but where is she?”

A sharp knock on the door before it opened interrupted them. Ros entered smiling apologetically.

“Sorry Harry but Dolby is going mad upstairs, he is demanding to see you.”

“That’s ok Ros I think we could all do with a break. Lucas could you mange some soup? You should eat something.”

Lucas nodded, knowing he had to try and eat. Harry and Matthew left the room. Ros touched Lucas’ hand and asked if there was anything else he wanted. He shook his head.

“They won’t tell me where she is Ros” he whispered, as she turned to go.

“She is close by Lucas.” Ros glanced at the mirror and smiled gently before squeezing his hand and leaving.

Lucas turned his head towards the mirror. Did Ros mean Kate was in the observation room now? He moved to the glass and stared at it intently. Kate was there just the other side of the glass he was certain of it and if she was she could hear him. He saw his image in the glass and concentrating hard replaced it with Kate, reaching out he touched her cheek.

“I am so sorry, it wasn’t you Kate, I was hurting a guard in the prison. I would never hurt you. I remember it all now. God it was so terrible Kate what they did to me, how they treated me, but you helped me. Without you I would have died. I’ll get help I promise. I just need to know you forgive me. I just need to know you love me.”

Lucas rested his head against the glass, silent tears leaking from beneath his closed eyes.

On the other side of the glass Kate stood helpless, her face resting against the glass, as if it were nestling on Lucas’ chest. She needed to touch him and tell him she understood but above all she needed to tell him she loved him. She closed her eyes and prayed she would get the chance.

[HellsBells]

Indeed a very harrowing chapter, but it makes a great read.