Self Control. Self Denial.

[MandyM15]

Its ten minutes before the end of 4.10 and Ruth has just told Angela Wells that she slept with Angela's ex-lover, Ruth's step-brother. Harry talks to Ruth in a corridor afterwards, the first part of the dialogue is the same but here's where I think it should have gone….

I don't own Spooks, Kudos or BBC :0(

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"Well done."

"You think so?"

"You broke her"

"Maybe I broke me too"

"That's adrenaline withdrawal."

"Oh, is that what it is? Good, good. Thank you."

"Ruth…"

"I lied! I told her I'd slept with my step brother. I sold myself; my feelings to manipulate her."

Ruth tries to get away from Harry, disgusted with herself at her actions. Harry grabs her arms and stops her. He leans in close, angry.

"You think I am a limited man? You think I don't understand the emotional side? Self-control. Self-denial. These are the things that keep us together in this job! You told a huge lie about your personal life…" Harry says holding onto her arm still, a hairs breadth from her face.

Looking at him, her eyes wide with hatred she is still pinned to the wall.

"Yes, and I can't bear that I did" she snarls back at him

"And aren't you proud you had the nerve to tell that lie?"

"It was horrible!"

"Aren't you proud you told the lie? Aren't you proud you talked Angela out of that room?" Harry growls, his face beaded with sweat, the passion in eyes apparent.

Ruth looks away, too caught up conflicting emotions. She shakes her head slowly.

"Oh, God forgive me" she replies looking to the floor

"You're a born Spook Ruth" Harry whispers

She looks into his eyes, a mutual understanding locked in that gaze. As he turns to walk away she grabs his arm.

"Don't you ever ask me to drag up my personal life for the sake of your operations again Harry!" she demands, fixing her steely blue eyes on him.

He thought he had got away just in time for his defences to remain intact when she grabbed him but now he finds them crumbling down around him. Leaning in close he growls into her ear.

"You think I can bear it? You think I can bear seeing you hurting? You think I can bear even the possibility of that lie you told?"

He pulls back and sets his eyes on hers. The anger and passion that had passed between them seconds ago has changed. He looks sad, defeated.

"What do you mean?"

"It doesn't matter…"

"Yes it does"

Their breath is one, noses almost touching as Malcolm appears at the end of the corridor. Seeing the scene before him he begins his retreat.

"Yes Malcolm?" Harry turns, relieved of the sudden interruption.

"Sorry…. There is plastic explosive, but no mechanism"

"Thank you Malcolm" Harry says as he turns away from Ruth

"We're not finished Harry" Ruth calls after him

"No Ruth, I don't suspect that we are"

Harry marches back onto the Grid leaving Ruth rooted to the spot. She feels guilty for lying to Angela, she feels angry at herself for being so easily manipulated but mostly she feels frustrated at this passion she has for her insufferable boss who rattles her so entirely and yet, at the same time sets her knees to jelly. 'Bloody man!' she thinks to herself.

She takes a few minutes to lock away her emotions and returns to the Grid.

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Will Harry tell her what she wanted to hear?