'For his first trick, the terrorist presents....' Ch. 8

[JHyde]

So here it is, the final chapter. I really hope this plays true and would LOVE your feedback, even if it's negative.

This is going to sound terrible, but I suspect this story really does read better all in the one sitting. Multi chapter fics aren't really read like that, so some of the overarching ideas might not come through. I hope they do and if you have time, I hope you read the whole thing all together.

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Lucas took his time getting home, taking the most circuitous route possible. He had no intention of making things easy for Harry nor did he have any idea what he would say when he saw him. Their always difficult dynamic seemed only to complicate by the mission. For all he knew, this last mess couldn't be covered up. Another thing for Harry to have over him since he returned.

Eventually, his legs tired and it was close to midnight. He strolled up the garden path, placing bets inwardly that Harry would be waiting in the kitchen rather than his poky living room, when there was a noise behind him. He turned, ready to strike, but Harry took a prompt step back and let Lucas recognize him for who he was. Harry was silent and Lucas simply turned and headed for the front door.

"You weren't waiting for me inside? Am I out of coffee?" the younger man asked, deliberately not looking back.

"I thought it rude, under the circumstances," his boss rejoined, quickly following through the heavy corinthian model door held open for him. Lucas almost smiled.

"Oh dear. Doesn't that sound ominous?" Lucas led the way through his tiny townhouse and waved carelessly at the living room, where it was warmer. He tossed his satchel and coat aside and followed Harry inside.

"Are you really going to start with sarcasm, Lucas?" Harry's voice was weary but steely underneath his fatigue. Lucas sighed.

"Oh, do take a seat, Harry. I insist."

Now Harry sighed, but he took the offered seat. Partly because he did not want either of them to lose their temper too quickly, but also because he really was very tired. And the day wasn't over yet.

"You'll be happy to hear that the man you attacked - "

"The terrorist, you mean!" Lucas interrupted, but Harry continued as though he had heard nothing.

" - is alive and in a stable condition. Luckily for you, the CO19 squad leader owes me quite a large one and I own his boss too. Which means no-one is prepared to dispute the official statement you will give tomorrow and that is that the man attacked you and in the struggle he hit his head on the back door of the van. We will find a way to use the head trauma to our advantage, should he live. Which is still not certain, by any means. But you retain your job, Lucas."

Lucas got his feet and went to the window. "Thanks ever so much, Harry. Sorry to have caused any trouble. Now I really have a spot of star-gazing I need to get back to."

Harry remained seated but it was time to declare his hand. "Enough, Lucas. You retain your job on the fulfilment of one crucial condition."

"Is this where Jewel and Tring are offered? How long, Harry? A month? Three months?"

"No." Harry was still seated and his tone, suddenly gentler, made Lucas stop twitching the curtain for a moment. "A different arrangement. Every Friday morning, for as long as Diana Jewel deems appropriate, you will drive to Tring and spend a long weekend there. In whatever therapy she thinks fit. I understand there are others who have been held for long periods with whom she wants you to spend time."

Lucas turned and looked sharply at Harry. "Have many of them been held for eight years in Russia?"

Harry shook his head. "That's not completely the point, Lucas. But in any case, you'll have to go to find out, won't you?" He smiled wryly and Lucas took a step toward him, his anger flaring again suddenly.

"The problem is not my eight years in Russia, Harry! The problem is that you lie to me! Over and over and always. Every time. When I asked you about Sugarhorse, after I first started having memories of interrogation. When I told you about Darsharvin and what he knew about Basel. You LIE, Harry! I'm not sure you know what truth is anymore."

By now, Lucas was towering over his boss, who was feeling a certain amount of fear throughout this last speech. Harry had stood his ground in the face of far more frightening people than Lucas North, and he did not really fear that Lucas would strike him, although he certainly seemed ready to hit something. He knew that in some ways, Lucas was too far gone to appreciate logic in his current state, but he used it now because it was his greatest weapon. This was the argument he wanted Lucas to remember when he lay awake at 3am on a weeknight.

"Lucas, when you confronted me with Darsharvin's assertion about Basel, you had only just come clean about Sarah Caulfield and were showing every sign of several serious mental health....difficulties. Was I really wrong to choose not to confide in you then?"

"You had been using ten dollar words to explain that I was upset, certainly."

"And then," Harry went on, "with Sugarhorse. You know why I couldn't tell you at the time, Lucas. I had not confided in Ros either. it was not personal to the extent you believe."

There was silence as Lucas pondered what he knew to be true, despite his irrational anger. If he had been Harry, he would not have confided in him about Sugarhorse. Especially given how recently he had returned. But still, it rankled. Harry's voice broke through his thoughts.

"My lying to you, Lucas, or to any other member of my team, is not for own personal amusement. But rather for your safety and that of your colleagues. And for that of the people we serve. In this job, Lucas, we lie. To each other, to assets, to those we love. That's what the job is. And if you can't cope with that, then you're in the wrong job. Although," here he gave a slight smile, "I doubt any job or any boss is likely to tell you the truth, Lucas. A barman will lie to you and tell you the bottom shelf whiskey is gone so they can sell you the single malt."

"So that's how you developed a taste for the good stuff, then?"

"We'll leave it at that, yes."

"This is the only way to keep my job?" Lucas splayed his hands, suddenly tired of arguing. Part of the reason he was so angry with Harry was that his boss usually had him in checkmate before anything started.

"The only way, Lucas. You will probably never again feel like the man you were, but you should...move on, to use the modern phrase. I want you at your BEST, Lucas. I watched you today in that interrogation room and remembered why we chose you among men. People instinctively trust you." He spoke more angrily now, standing to emphasize his point. "But at the moment, you can't trust yourself and you're no good to me this way. Enough."

Harry wondered if he should leave it there, but Lucas spoke before he could make for the door.

"This...arrangement. It's going to leave staff a bit thin on the Grid, isn't it? We're hardly fully charged as it is."

"I'm bringing in some new people very soon. New areas of specialty, new focus for the Section. It was what I was working on this morning. Before all daily hell broke loose."

There was a pause, both men thinking very different things. Harry spoke first.

"Ros was at the hospital. How did you...."

Lucas interrupted. "Why was Ros at the hospital?"

"She was having some tests done, to make sure she wasn't exposed. To the strontium."

"Is she....?" Lucas trailed off and Harry shook his head.

"As far as we know, she's OK." He paused. "Ruth and Tariq were busy planting stories so that Abehsera won't lose his cover." He paused again. "Lucas, how did you know I'd be here?"

Lucas met his gaze for the first time in several minutes. "Ruth....was intuitive. She tried to - talk sense into me. Wanted me to listen to you. I'm not sure I was very kind in return."

Harry just smiled slightly and gathered his coat. "It's no coincidence that her name is Hebrew for compassion."

"Actually,"Lucas stayed seated, "there was a woman on my team in Russia who liked to tell me that Ruth, as its English derivation, means friend."

"Your team?" Harry queried.

"Of interrogators." Lucas straightened to his feet also. "She wanted me to think of her as one. Needless to say, Ruth does a better job of making her case."

Harry made for the door. "I'm sure she'd be elated to hear it."



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Ruth waited once again for one of the men in her life, this time as she tried to build the fire in Harry's living room hearth. She had originally been at home for an hour or two, but decided she didn't want to wait until the next day to make her explanations. She had just struck the match when Harry's key turned in the front door lock. Ruth dropped the match on the newspapers and kindling and watched them blaze instantly, her inner pyromaniac thrilling. She reached for a piece of firewood, not looking up as she said loudly: "There's milk in the fridge."

Harry wandered in, smiling. "Why on earth are you bothering with that fire? Let's build the one upstairs, we'll need that one more."

She looked up, bemused. "And that implies - what?"

Harry's lopsided smile was twitching. "Nothing. Unless you want it to mean something." He looked serious for a moment. "I'm glad you're here. I wasn't sure you would be."

Ruth tried to stand up but stumbled a little, her legs having temporarily gone to sleep. Harry lunged and caught her and then croaked slightly, grimacing as he straightened up. "Oh God, Ruth. We're both getting old here, I think it's time to tell the truth."

She sighed, but didn't pull away. "I'm sorry I was twitchy about what you offered this afternoon."

Harry walked over to the lounge and resisted the urge to tap the back of it, so that she would join him. She remained standing where she was, knotting her hands and looking anywhere but at him.

"It's just that....we move in such tiny increments, Harry. For me to bring a bag and stash some things here and for you to leave a razor and clean shirts at mine...it's all so...."

Her voice trailed off and Harry stayed where he was, not sure what was happening. "Are you saying - you'd rather we moved in bigger steps, Ruth? I match your stride, follow you...."

She interrupted him. "That's part of it, Harry. It's always ME who takes the steps, sets the pace. I want to know what you want! These last weeks have been wonderful, but you said it yourself - we're.... ageing."

Harry resisted the urge to smile and make the joke that came to his lips and instead got to his feet and stood in front of her, waiting. She met his gaze and spoke again.

"This is all so......reminiscent of a first relationship. And it isn't, far from it, for either of us."

Harry shook his head and took her hands in his. "Now see, there I beg to differ. It might not be for you, Ruth, but it feels very much like it for me. If you need to know what I want, then I will try and tell you more often. And, for now, I want you to bring a bag and stay here more often. Is that enough? For now?"

Ruth nodded. "For now. So it's a good thing I brought a bag with me." She smiled. "Could you bring some firewood up with you please? I'll go get a fire started up...there."

"In the bedroom." He smiled.

"Yes." Ruth rolled her eyes. "In the bedroom."


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She was climbing into bed when Harry began undressing and he sat on the bed to pull off his shoes. They had been mostly quiet in the hour since they talked and given they both had to be up in less than six hours, their energy was wearing thin. It was Harry who spoke as Ruth switched the lamp off on her side of the bed.

"Ruth."

"Mmmm?" She was already lying down.

"Do you remember those nights? On the Grid, late, when it just us?"

Ruth rolled over, surprised at this sudden reminiscing. They didn't usually talk about the time before her exile.

"Of course I do." She was suddenly fiddling with her ring, wondering what Harry was driving at. "I....enjoyed it, mostly. I wish we had spoken to each other more often then we did. But I liked those evenings."

"So did I." Harry was in his bedclothes by now and he swung his legs into the bed, his weariness on his face and in his muscles. "The best part, for me, was getting to say goodnight to you. It was, embarrassingly enough, the highlight of my day, more often than not."

There was quiet for a moment. Harry switched off his lamp but stayed upright, watching Ruth play with her ring. He covered her hands with one of his and she stayed still.

"It was usually mine too, Harry," she said quietly. "I still love it, even though we usually say it differently nowadays."

Harry laughed quietly and then took a deep breath. "I still love it, too. But my point is, saying goodnight to you now is far from my favourite moment of the day. We have better moments now."

Her eyes filled with tears and she pulled him down onto the pillows so she could hold his face.

"I know." They moved about until he was almost holding her, his arm draped across her body; that awkward pose in bed that is so impossible to pull off all night and only happens on film and in the heads of overly romantic writers. For some reason, tonight, it felt the proper thing to do.

It is not easy to sleep in the arms of a lover, but that night, for Harry and Ruth, it was not difficult at all.


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He had managed a shower and a meal and even done a load of laundry. The moment he had been dreading was here, and Lucas knew he had to sleep. Or at least try to do so.

He felt better since talking to Harry. His boss obviously still wanted him and this was a declaration of faith Lucas hadn't felt since that night when Harry had told him he was welcome back in Section D. But the darkness of his mind and his memories was overwhelming. The guilt of today's actions gnawed at him, as though there was an animal inside that was not yet satisfied. That there were more outbursts to come, that Lucas was not done dancing on the edge of a tall building. He still wanted to fall.

He thumped the pillows angrily and felt the tears brimming. He resisted the urge to sleep on the floor and instead tried to relax his muscles, counted sheep - did the myriad of useless exercises given him by the psychologist he had seen upon returning to England.

He still wasn't sure he wanted this. England was the job to him and it only seemed to get harder with time. How much worse could this get?

It was never easy for Lucas to sleep, alone or with another, and that night it was more difficult than ever.

The End

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I don't usually write 'The End' but I know Tyger was hanging out for it!

I'm sorry to see this fic end. Unfortunately, my next fan fic plot has been kinda possibly nicked by Spooks writers - my next fic was all about piracy and counter terrorism.

So I have no idea when I will publish again. Hopefully within the next month.

Please review!

[Aria]

Really lovely, JHyde. Brilliant confrontation between Lucas and Harry, tense and angsty and hopefully its cleared the air between them somewhat. Loved Harry's rationalisation for lying. Lovely H/R parts, with both of them wanting more but unable to fully articulate their needs to the other. Beautiful ending with Lucas at the start of his long road to recovery and so alone.

[Lukyan Lyubof]

Loved it, the interaction between Harry and Lucas and Harry and Ruth seemed so real.
I thought that what Lucas said to Harry and vice versa was do true as well and the ending was really good!

[Tea Lady]

Well done on this story. I really enjoyed it. The H/R moments were lovely and believable, which not all H/R fic is, in my opinion. Liked the H/L moments and I really hope we learn more of their relationship in S9.

Looking forward to the next fanfic.

[YourFutureMuse]

As usual amazing Particularly the intensity between Harry and Lucas. This whole fic has been brilliant and the ending was just perfect ( I even enjoyed the H/R moments :O) You do make them very believable and when I am reading it it does play out in my head as if it was an actual episode

Please write soon I too I am very much looking forward to it!

[lwhite53]

Great, great, great -- what else can I say?

[HellsBells]

Just fantastic ! I have really enjoyed this whole fic and loved the fact Harry and Ruth are a couple and getting on with their relationship. It was brilliant having Lucas as the main character.
A question - what does the phrase "You had been using ten dollar words to explain that I was upset, certainly." mean exactly ? I think I got the general idea.
Right, I'm off to read it all again.

[JHyde]

Oh dear, Hells Bells - you weren't the only one to ask that!

Using a ten dollar word to say something means that you're using a word that's too complicated. It's usually used in conjunction either with legal terms or psychiatric terms.

Bugger, that didn't work.

[i luv lucas]

I loved this fanfic! The whole story was fantastin, however, I am glad I wasn't alone in not knowing exactly what a ten dollar word was..... But still a fabby story JHyde!! I do love the fan fics, I just wish that I could write like this!

[JHyde]

Thanks guys. I really need the encouragement.

I'm watching Doctor Who now to remind myself of how far I have to go.