The Gruinard project Chapter 14

[khandy]

Here is the next chapter

Chapter 14 Lucas North’s Flat.

Lucas woke suddenly, hurtling out of his dream at what seemed like the speed of sound. He bolted upright, his body was trembling, his heart was hammering, and his breathing was wild and reckless. The walls of his flat felt oppressively close and were moving closer. Panic was setting in, threatening to overpower him, causing him to lose control of any rational thought. His desperate attempt to force more air into his lungs was causing his arms to feel heavy and his hands to tingle, as pins and needles set in. The pressure on his chest was crushing, heavy and relentless. He had to get out and prove to himself that he was no longer trapped against his will, a prisoner in a jail where the walls were solid, no bars and no chinks of light.

He moved from his bed, his legs trembling so badly, it was a miracle he didn’t fall. A voice was calling to him and a hand reached out touching him as he rose from the bed. Ignoring the voice, he pushed the hand away sharply not wanting to be distracted from his mission. He had to escape before the walls consumed him. Lucas glanced around, his eyes wild and fearful, they were getting closer he must not delay. He pulled on a pair of jogging bottoms and a hooded light sweat shirt and forcing his feet into a pair of well used trainers, he ran from his flat as if the hounds from hell were after him.

Kate jumped out of bed and moved to the window. She watched as Lucas almost fell through the door on to the street, such was his haste to get out of the building. He grabbed the railing at the front to prevent himself from falling. Should she go down to him? He had not registered her presence in his flat and had pulled sharply from her touch, so she reasoned that any intervention on her behalf would not be welcomed. She continued to watch as Lucas stood breathing heavily gradually calming down enough to do some basic stretches before running off into the dark.

Kate glanced at the clock 3.30 am. What should she do now? She shivered, the flat was chilly as the heating was not on at this early hour. Pulling open one of the drawers from the tall pine chest in the room, Kate found a t shirt. Putting it over her head she was pleased to see it skimmed her thighs, it worked as a nightshirt.

She wandered through into the kitchen. Like elsewhere in the flat it, was immaculately clean and tidy. She opened cupboards and found everything arranged with military precision. No clutter, trinkets or clues to the man who owned the flat. Her tea made she moved back into the sitting room. She moved to the book shelves wondering if its contents would give any clues to Lucas. Five minutes later she had to conclude that his tastes were eclectic, the books being varied in subject, style and contents. It was also obvious that he liked to be in control. Everything in his life was so organised and the books were no different; works of non-fiction by subject and fiction by author. Had this always been the case she wondered or was it something he had developed as a way of dealing with being in Russia. Her eyes were drawn to a section devoted to personal accounts of being held captive. What had Lucas gained from reading these books? Had he found shared common ground? So many questions surrounded this man. Loving him was not going to be easy but then her grandfather had often said that the best things in life were seldom easy. Sighing, she selected ‘A Tale of Two Cities’ from the shelf and settled down to wait for him to return.

He ran until his body screamed at him to stop. He slowed his pace gradually and stretched so that his muscles would not seize up. Leaning against the railing he looked out over the river Thames, his constant companion on his long lonely runs. Glancing around, he registered his surroundings, the majestic Tower Bridge and Tower of London on the opposite side. Lucas smiled at the irony, he ran to escape his visions of a prison and ended up outside of one of the most famous prisons in the world. A psychologist would probably say that no matter how far he ran he would never out run his demons. He knew he had to face them but half the time he had no idea what woke him. They were not visions just feelings of terror. Lucas sighed, where did one even begin to start to address something so intangible? His active mind pondered the questioned for a while. It had to begin with trust, not just from others but he himself had to learn trust again. What had he said to Harry when he returned from Russia and begged to be allowed to work?

“Home isn't where you live. It's where people understand you. If I don't have trust from MI-5, from you, then I'll never really be home. I'll just be back in England.”

He still had trouble believing he was trusted at work. Every day it seemed that his motives were questioned. He certainly could not trust them, believing them capable of turning their back on him again, whenever it suited them.

His parents and family were unable to help when he had so desperately needed them. Bogged down with their own complex feelings about his whole imprisonment, he had not wished to burden them further, and so had drawn away, not trusting them to be able to cope with all he had been through. Locking his memories of his home and them in their files.

Which led him to the vision of two nights ago. It had been so clear, so vivid. Why had that happened? What had been different? Kate . Her name jumped into his mind as the answer to his question. He had spoken to her about Russia more openly than any other person and she had not recoiled in shock or offered words or looks of pity. Maybe she was the key to unlocking his mind. Christ what must she think of him this morning? Stretching again several times he set of crossing the bridge and running back towards his home, back towards Kate.

He had been gone nearly an hour, was this usual for him? How she wished she knew. Kate hated feeling so helpless. She had given up trying to read and was now pacing from window to window, looking for his long rangy frame to reappear in the street below. It was a little after 4.30 that he appeared. She sagged with relief, watching as he stopped once more and stretched his muscles.

She moved to the bathroom and turned on the taps adding a liberal amount of muscle soak. For some reason Lucas seemed to prefer baths to showers. At the sound of the front door she pushed her head round the corner of the bathroom door.

“I’m running you a bath, I thought you might need a soak after your run,” she said with a smile.

“I’m sorry I woke you.” He brushed her lips and touched her cheek softly. “There are things I need to share with you, if you will let me.”

She looked at him and touched his cheek as he had done hers.

“Hop in the tub I will bring you a cuppa and then we will talk if you need to.”

When she returned Lucas was immersed in the water his head resting against the back of the bath.

“Do you want a towel for your head?” she asked.

“Will you join me? I have to hold you to get through what I need to share,” Lucas asked.

“I have to tell you something first, then if you still want to share things with me, I will get in the tub.”

Lucas tensed wondering what she was going to say.

“I told Harry that I wouldn’t spy on you Lucas…” she paused at the pained expression in his eyes. “Not that he asked me to, I told him after the interrogation he gave me yesterday. I did tell him however, that if in my opinion anything happened to you that put either yourself or the team in danger I would tell him. I think if you are honest with yourself you would do the same.”

He looked at her, at the trust in her soft brown eyes and took a leap of faith.

“Thank you for your honesty and you are right I would do the same. You should get in while the water is warm.”

She pulled his t shirt over her head and slid in front of him relaxing back against his chest. Several minutes passed as they sipped their tea

“You ok?” she asked.

His arms tightened around her.

“I am now. I am just thinking where to start,” he told her.

“It doesn’t matter where, it doesn’t even have to make sense.” She reassured him.

“I don’t know how to begin,” he whispered.

“How about I ask you a question then and we will see if you can answer it?”

“Ok,” he answered hesitantly.

“This control you seem to have over everything does that stem from prison?” she asked.

“Yeah it does, I was always neat and tidy but not as obsessive as I am now. In prison I was stripped of every ounce of control. From what I remember, I had no control over anything for eight years. Can you imagine what that is like? Not even to be able to decide to have a drink of water,” he asked.

“I can’t imagine Lucas. I can understand why you need the control. What about the cleanliness. I’m a microbiologist and I don’t keep my home as sterile as you do, what is that about?”

“They kept me in a place with no sanitation, no hot water or toilet facilities. I had to go to the toilet in the corner. I cannot stand to live in dirty environment?”

“Later I will try and help you with that. I understand the antibacterial products now though. Are you ok with the questions shall I continue?”

“Yeah it’s ok.”

“How did your dream last night differ from tonight’s?”

“How do you know it did?” Lucas asked surprised she had realised this.

“Your reaction was different.”

“Tonight’s dream was the usual one. Last night was very specific. It is only the third time I have recalled something so specific.”

“Can you discuss it? Would it help if you did?” Kate looked back up into his face.

Lucas gripped her hand and closed his eyes.

“They wanted information about a secret satellite programme. I refused to answer. They had a collar round my neck and I was strangled…” Lucas’ voice was a monotone devoid of all emotion.

The tears slowly began to trickle down Kate’s cheeks as she listened to him explain what they had done. Tortured, they had tortured him. What Lucas was describing was inhumane, barbaric; surely there were international laws to stop these things, what about the fucking Geneva Convention?

Lucas suddenly became agitated.

“I couldn’t stop him …I’m so dirty , I have to cleanse myself.”

Lucas grabbed a brush from a basket on the vanity. He pushed Kate away from him and began scrubbing furiously at his skin. Kate turned, Lucas almost certainly in his mind was not here in the bathroom with her. She tried to grab the brush but couldn’t and no amount of pleading could stop him. His skin was becoming raw she had to put an end to this before he broke it.

The smack across his face and her firm call of Lucas made him drop the brush. He collapsed back against the bath sobbing violently. Kate climbed out quickly drying and slipping the t shirt back on.

“Lucas you can’t stay in there you will get a chill,” Kate spoke quietly.

“I have to I’m so dirty.” His words were broken by his sobbing.

“No Lucas you’re not. Look at me Lucas.” Kate grabbed his hands. “Focus on me and stand up.” Lucas looked into her dark brown eyes.

“Just focus on you?” he whispered as he stood.

She dried him, as if he were a child, patting the soft towel on his red raw skin. Then taking him by the hand she led him back to bed. He broke down again, as he relived the memory over and over again. Kate tried soothing words and massaging his shoulders nothing seemed to reach him.

“Lucas I am telling you to put it away, find its file,” she begged.

Lucas sat up and began thumping the pillow in frustration.

“Enough!” He shouted “I control you, not the other way round.”

The pillow flew across the room.

Kate got up unable to stand it anymore, she moved to the phone her intention to call the paramedics.

Lucas watched as she picked up the phone. He walked over to her and grabbed her round the waist.

“Please Kate don’t call Harry, don’t tell him, the image is getting less sharp it will recede soon and I will control it not the other way round. If you tell Harry you think I’m a risk he will have no choice but to remove me from The Grid. Without MI5 I am nothing. I will only be half a person, I need to work,” Lucas sobbed.

Kate removed her hand from the receiver.

“I wasn’t going to ring Harry, I was going to ring for medical help,” she told him. “But you should tell Harry what happens when you recall these images.”

“Harry knows. I told you I had only recalled three things vividly, well one of them was at Harry’s request. I told him what it had done to me remembering,” Lucas explained.

“I hope it was worth it Lucas. Putting yourself back there, did it help anybody? Did Harry sit with you while you remembered?”

“No he didn’t Kate. As to if it helped, yeah it did. We learnt about the organisation that was going to detonate a nuclear bomb and prevented it happening.” He looked at her tear stained face. “I’m so sorry, I will understand if you want to leave. I have no right to ask you to be a part of this.”

Kate sniffed and smiled tremulously through her tears

“Don’t think you can get rid of me that easily North, I’m in it for the long haul. Now you look shattered, two paracetamol I think and sleep for a couple of hours.”

“I don’t have a headache Kate.”

“No but I do. Lie down I will back in a minute.”

Lucas was asleep when she returned. She glanced at the clock five thirty, she would look like death at work. Yawning she slipped under the covers, in his sleep Lucas moved to hold her and she curled into his embrace.

[Saerwen]

Just to say I am really enjoying your well written story, please keep on writing them.

[khandy]

(20-11-2010 12:57 AM)Saerwen Wrote:  Just to say I am really enjoying your well written story, please keep on writing them.

Thank you very much. It is a while since I wrote this but I am enjoying re visting it.

[BravoNine]

I love it, it's great to see Lucas-centered stories!! Please keep it going!

[khandy]

(21-11-2010 03:08 AM)BravoNine Wrote:  I love it, it's great to see Lucas-centered stories!! Please keep it going!

Thanks for reading I hope you continue to enjoy.

[Poppy]

They are really good!
I love reading them and it is nice to see poor Lucas get some TLC...
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