Series 10, the parody - Part 3

[Annie]

[British Museum]

Henry Cavendish, security guard, did not understand why there was a robot in the Ancient Rome exhibition. It had most certainly not been there they day before. However, he knew better than to mess with the exhibits. Museum curators were prickly when it came to their collections, he had learnt the hard way. Thus, he left the robot exactly where it was, placed between a replica of a centurion's uniform and a bronze statue of a horse. Many of the visitors gave it funny glances, but none of them said anything. Perhaps they were afraid of embarassing themselves with a lack of knowledge of Roman art? Well, Henry Cavendish knew a thing or two about Roman art. He had worked at the museum for 14 years, and had seen his share of Old Rome artifacts. And, as he pointed out to professor Bickerstaff when he came passing by, none of them had blinking, blue lights on them.

«You are absolutely right, Henry,» said professor Bickerstaff. «This does not belong here. It seems to be a prop from the Dr Who exhibit that's going on downstairs. I'll take it down to them. OWW!»

«What happened?» Henry asked, startled by the professors outcry.

"The ruddy thing zapped me!" Bickerstaff complained. "It's wired!"

Henry knew exactly what to do next, and that was to ask everyone to walk calmly out of the building. Which they did, because people are sensible like that on TV. Then he called for a bomb squad. After being reassured that the squad would be there in less than ten minutes, Henry did the only thing he could, which was to wait and make sure no one came near the zappy-thing. To his horror he realized, it was gone! Frantically, he turned around to look for it, just in time to see it hurrying around a corner.


[Basement]

"Oh no!" Mystic whimpered. "Peach Blossom has been discovered! What are we going to do?"

"We have to commit Hara Kiri!" Snake exclaimed. Because as we all know, writers don't much bother making a distinction between China and Japan. "It is the only honourable thing to do!"

"No," Blade protested. "It is not honourable to commit suicide like a rat, and let others take the smack for our mistake. We are doing this for the Organization. We have come this far, and we are going to see it through!"


[The Grid]

"Ruuuuuth, we have another walk-in!" Beth complained as she came in to the office.

"Just the last thing we need today!" Ruth said with a sigh. "And the last thing we need, is usually what we get around here!" This was said with a glance in the general direction of Alec. "Who is it?"

"A woman," Beth explained. "Sounds like a foreigner. And she asks for Lucas. What was I supposed to say?"

Ruth sighed even heavier, and went downstairs to handle the situation. At the bottom of the staircase she spotted the walk-in; a slim, darkhaired woman of about 40, wrapped up in a blue raincoat that made Ruth think of Leonard Cohen.

"How may I help you?" Ruth asked.

"Is Loocas here?" The woman replied. "I vould like to talk to him."

"Lucas as in Lucas North?" Ruth asked. "I'm sorry, but he's not in. You do realise that you can't just walk in to the HQ of an intelligence agency and ask to speak to our agents during work hours?"

"But I know him very vell," the stranger protested. "He vas my hosband before he got taken by the Rhassians. When he came back, I had another hosband, but he vas a scombag, and I have left him. Now I realise, I vant Loocas back. I loved him all the time!"

Ruth felt her heart sinking like a stone. "You must be Elizabeta," she said. "I'd like to invite you in and have a proper talk, but last we knew, you were the enemy. I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave."

Great, another FSB visitor. Now they'd have to sweep the room for bugs on top of everything else. Ruth was just about to shove Elizabeta uncourteously out the door when she heard footsteps behind her, and a familiar voice.

"Well, look who we have here!" It was Harry.

"Oh Meester Peerce," said Elizabeta, "I'm sorry to introode like this, but I really need to speak to Loocas. Vhen vill he be back."

"Elizabeta..." said Harry, "If you had come here a couple of weeks ago, you'd be welcome to have him for all I care. Let him create headaches for your lot instead. But I'm afraid Lucas is dead. And his name wasn't Lucas, it was John, and he was a serial killer. And by the way, he was one of Britain's most wanted terrorists. Maybe you are better off without him, eh?"

"You're so sensitive, Harry," said Ruth, sarcastically.

[HellsBells]

Thanks for sharing another very funny chapter, Annie.

[Annie]

Your're welcome.